Shailene Woodley Would Like to Remind You That She Has Definitely Had Sex With Aaron Rodgers

It’s been a rough week for Aaron Rodgers. The Green Bay Packers quarterback currently finds himself facing fines and dealing with a PR nightmare following the revelation that he broke the NFL’s COVID-19 protocol and misled the public about his vaccination status. And now his fiancée Shailene Woodley has come to his defense on social media — not by defending his decision to remain unvaccinated, but by dropping some weird innuendo about his dick size, for some reason.

As Jezebel points out, Woodley posted some screenshots of a Daily Mail story that included photos of a man the publication claimed to be Rodgers breaking COVID-19 protocol by walking around Los Angeles and claimed the man in the photos couldn’t possibly be her fiancé because she knows his body so well — a not-at-all-gross thing normal people who have definitely had sex with someone before totally drop into casual conversation.

“literally ya’ll need to calm the fuck down,” she wrote over the screenshots on her Instagram Stories on Tuesday. “this is straight up HILARIOUS. news outlets STILL grasping at straws to disparage aaron. finding random fucking men on the streets of la and saying it’s him. i know aaron’s body. VERY well. first off, his feet, ahem and no offense to this rando dude, are a LOT bigger. ;)”

If the comment about big feet coupled with an “ahem” and a winky face was too subtle for you, she’s insinuating that Rodgers — who claimed one of the reasons he didn’t get vaccinated was because he was worried the shot would make him sterile — is in possession of a big (and presumably functional) penis. But that’s not all: the actress went on to point out that the man in the photos couldn’t possibly be her betrothed because his hands aren’t apelike enough.

“also, for those of us who know aaron beyond the worlds of obsessed sport and shitty media, it’s no secret he has the hairiest hands on the fucking planet,” she wrote. “this oblivious homie, clearly, does not. (go ahead, zoom in).”

She wrapped up with one last jab at the smooth-handed imposter by adding, “also cute car dude, but aaron would never drive this.”

So there you have it! Aaron Rodgers has a healthy-sized, working penis, hairy hands and a cool car, and don’t you forget it. Please also don’t forget that, despite this clear attempt by Woodley to deflect from the issue at hand with these bizarre revelations, Rodgers is also a selfish liar who poses a public health risk by spreading vaccine misinformation.