The Truth About Stoned Sex v. Drunk Sex

Drunk sex.

You know the feeling. Or the lack thereof. Booze and boot-knocking have been like milk and Oreos since college was invented. And mankind hasn’t looked back since.

But with weed more popular — and legal — than ever, more and more lovers are claiming stoned coitus is superior.

So who’s right? Are the stoners or the drunks having better sex? Thanks to a research team at New York University, we may have an answer.

Their study asked participants numerous in-depth questions comparing sex under the two different influences. Though the 24-person study is too small to close the book on the subject, it serves as a qualitative starting point for larger studies in the future. Presumably, volunteers will abound.

The verdict:

They’re called beer goggles for a reason
You’re more likely to lower your proverbial standards drunk. “With weed, I know who I’m waking up with. With drinking, you don’t know. Once you start drinking, everybody looks good,” said one 34-year-old female participant.

Beer goggles do not apply to hindsight
Alcohol more often leads to sex with strangers and morning-after regrets.

Weed distracts your brain. Booze ails your body.
High lovers are more likely to inauspiciously ponder existence mid-coitus. Drunks are more likely to lose their lunch before their load.

Drunk sex is far riskier
Alcohol’s lowered inhibitions might mean more sex. They also means less protection and a higher chance of VDs. Weed is more associated with paranoia — i.e., extra precaution.

Alcohol numbs sensations. Weed enhances them.
Men and women associate weed with longer and more intense orgasms, as well as slow, tender and passionate sex. Alcohol is more associated with the sentence, “Is that it?”