Good sexting, like good sex, is an art form. It requires ingenuity, thoughtfulness, a knowledge of yourself and your audience as well as a willingness to balance the needs of both. And so, if sexting is an art, I’m not hesitant to say that I am an artiste.
As we’ve discussed, nudes are a critical part of my sexting experience. There are a few tips and tricks I’ve picked up along the way: the self-timer method — or if you really want, a remote shutter to get the ideal shot; I know all the best apps for filters and all the best poses for the different kinds of men one might encounter — the butt guy, the boob guy and everyone in between.
But one tool in my arsenal remains unrivaled in both personal and partner satisfaction: lingerie.
Now, if you’re someone who sexts with or has sex with men, you’ll undoubtedly be told at some point in your life that they don’t care about lingerie — and sometimes this is true! Sometimes you’ll even hear it from the men themselves. But what I’ve come to realize is that this usually means they’ve never been properly introduced to the wonders of all lingerie can do for intimacy. And while I’ve long been an avid sexter, since quarantine started, I’ve been sexting like my life depends on it, which has given me a newfound appreciation for the joys of lingerie and all it has to offer.
My first big lingerie purchase since quarantine started did not start off as sex-driven; for years I’ve been eyeing Celestine nightgowns at Neiman Marcus. They’re German-made in the sweetest of powder blues with lace trim — they’re entirely sheer and tissue weight which makes them feel like heaven. They also run upwards of $300 and I was never able to justify the investment to myself. But one night I was DMing with a sartorially inclined Instagram crush when we started talking about big purchases we had always wanted to make. I sent him the link to the nightgown and he told me I should buy it. When it arrived a few weeks later, not only was it the finest and most fulfilling garment I’d ever slept in, it was also perfect to spark up a raunchy conversation with my crush. It took roughly five DMs to get to the point of sharing pictures and sexting — an all-around success, I would say.
The perfect sexting accessory
Rachel Cuccia is the founder of Cuccia, a lingerie line of the most perfectly cut thongs around, inspired by ’80s-era high leg styles. She says lingerie is a perfect way to enhance sexting.
“Nothing is more exciting than seeing your partner in something showing their body before being fully nude,” she says. She suggests combining nearly nude pics with vivid descriptions of what you want to do to each other when you finally are in the same place. “Combine with some fantasy scenarios and be descriptive!”
And you need not buy new lingerie to incorporate it into your sexting; simply put on your favorite piece and ask your partner if they want to see you in it or ask your partner what their favorite is — offer to show them or ask to see it, depending on your role in the relationship. Lingerie can lend a sort of narrative arc to virtual intimacy. Think about the purchasing process as a sort of foreplay. I like to send whoever I’m sexting to a website I like to shop on and ask them to tell me what they’d want to see me in. This in and of itself can be very hot!
Co-founders of Brooklyn-based lingerie boutique The Great Eros, Emilio Ramirez and Christina Viviani are a lingerie power couple. As creative director, Viviani designs simply sensuous lingerie that’s both practical and perfect for a raunchy pic. Viviani and Ramirez recommend gifting lingerie as a way to be intimate with a long-distance lover. They suggest turning the purchasing and wearing process interactive, starting by sending your partner styles you’d like to see her in, then buying and sending them to her.
Once the lingerie arrives, the possibilities are literally endless. There is, of course, taking and sharing photos in them. Up the ante by filming yourself masturbating in them or wear them during FaceTime sex or even phone sex.
Viviani and Ramirez also recommend experimenting with fun games or plans, “Like buying lingerie for someone and that person wears it, sends you images then mails it to you for washing. You then send it back for another round of photos.” If you’re inclined try out the mailing technique, your partner can enjoy your lingerie however they see fit, and this too can be a jumping off point for sexting; I’ve had men say they’d want to jerk off with my lingerie, smell it — whatever floats your boat. And if there’s a mutual interest in these activities as well, bring your partner in on the action by returning the favor and film yourself enjoying their gift.
Know your lingerie
Finally, lingerie preference is a pretty personal thing. Like the style of clothing you like to wear or are attracted to in a partner, chances are there’s a type of lingerie you enjoy as well. That being said, here are a few recommendations from my own closet.
An ouvert
Or, as you might know it, a crotchless panty. But Caroline, you say, what good is a crotchless panty if you can’t actually be there to use it? Well — if you’re the one taking the picture, they make for an excellent tease. Bend over in them, touch yourself through them; I promise your partner will not know which way is up. And if you’re someone who’s not ready to go full vulva in a picture or video, they’re a great way to ease into those waters while still feeling sexy and comfortable. I’d recommend The Great Eros Canova Mesh Ouvert.
A thong
Sometimes the classics are classics for a reason; you’ll be hard pressed (pun intended) to find someone who does not appreciate the art of a good ass pic in a thong. When it comes to thongs ideal for flattering nudes, cut is everything — and Cuccia is unrivaled. I’ve searched for years for a thong that would flatter my small waist and larger ass and every time I wear Cuccia I feel like Jamie Lee Curtis doing a strip tease in True Lies. My favorite is the Vita thong in Red and Black, and Rachel recommends the high cut Marietta lace thong with a transparent mesh back and the prima high cut cotton thong. “It’s the perfect combo that offers your partner something they could wear comfortably but also feels sensual.”
Bras
No sexting wardrobe would be complete without something to accentuate your breasts. My favorite for sexting purposes is the Great Eros Sonata Longline bra; the shoulder straps untie which makes it the perfect bra for a virtual striptease. Being confined to our homes also presents the perfect opportunity to splurge on that impractical piece of lingerie you’ve been eyeing; no need to worry about if it’s comfortable to wear out, because you’re not going out! My absolute favorite, knock-out, sure to please all crowds is the Studio Pia Clea Cage Bra — I’m not even going to explain this one, just click. Finally, if you’re or your partner is on the bustier side (like myself!) Fleur de Mal offers a full range of blissfully erotic bras that run up to a G cup.
Bodysuit
Bodysuits are another piece ideal for a tease and they’re slightly easier to gift than a bra because the fit is going to be less complicated. They often come with crotch snaps, which, again, make for excellent dramatic effect upon removal in a sexy video. The folks at The Great Eros recommend bodysuits, “since they snap off for easy access or play with breast exposure.” Their Canova Mesh bodysuit is as timeless as it is erotic.
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