What Is "Financial Domination," Really?

Financial domination (sometimes shortened to fin dom) is a sexual kink whereby one person allows another to control them financially in some way. This might be by handing over their credit card(s) for a pre-agreed period of time, or by financing a holiday, shopping spree or fancy night out. Sometimes it comes in the form of gift-giving from an online wishlist, or can even involve paying for a person’s day-to-day lifestyle, including paying their rent or the cost of running their car.

But there’s a lot more to this kink than meets the eye, and the complexities of power, control and fantasy that go on under the surface offer a lot to unpack.

It’s definitely not the same as economic abuse

One thing to get clear right off the bat is that fin dom is very different than financial abuse. In an economically abusive relationship, the perpetrator controls the victim’s finances against their will. This could be by refusing to let them have their own bank account, generally controlling the household finances or by demanding to know how and where they’re spending money. This is a legally recognized form of abuse, and you can find more information about where to get help if you or somebody you know may be a victim of economic abuse here.

Fin dom relationships are consensual and the boundaries are always agreed upon ahead of time. And both parties retain the right to back out or to readjust the boundaries of the dynamic at any time.

It’s not the same as a sugar daddy

You might have heard of websites like sugardaddy.com where wealthy men can meet women who are looking for someone to take care of them financially. Financial domination kinks are not quite the same thing as this. Lola Jean is a pro-domme who has had clients with an interest in financial domination, as well as a close personal friend who she shares this dynamic with. She explains the difference between this and a sugar daddy dynamic. First off, those paying up in a financial domination role play are often referred to as “pay pigs.”

“A sugar daddy often wants to feel like they are supporting, rewarding or helping someone grow,” explains Lola. “It is very much a caretaker type of relationship. I also find that there tends to be more expectation for the sugar baby to keep the sugar daddy happy or on good terms. This may differ from person to person, but in a pay pig relationship, it is about them giving up their power or having it taken away.”

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There are two different kinds of fin dom

Not everyone who is interested in fin dom will want the humiliation aspects, or to be called a “pay pig.” This is where what’s known as “sensual fin dom” comes in.

As part of “7 Days of Dominion,” an online series of workshops for learning domme skills, Faustine Cox explains in her class “Gentle Money Play” that this form of fin dom involves more communication about goals and aspirations, and is partly about bringing someone along on that journey. “The two of you can get excited, and discuss your enthusiasm together towards prosperity,” she says. “It’s really fun. It’s all about your positive fempire.”

It’s often about gender roles (but not always)

Broadly speaking, think kink tends to appeal to heterosexual cis men more than any other gender. But when we think about the inversion of social norms that this kink is playing with, perhaps it’s easy to understand why. “Men, especially cis men have so much expectation thrust on them by society,” explains Lola. “They are told that if they play the game of capitalism and patriarchy they’ll be happy. Get the best job, the hottest girlfriend, the house, the vacations…whatever. But what happens when they have all of these things that are supposed to make them feel powerful and happy….and they don’t feel that way? That’s when these guilty pleasures creep in.” Financial domination, then, is a way of escaping this feeling of inadequacy by relinquishing control — the way they are spending their money is Lola’s idea, and in her control, freeing them up from the expectations that society has loaded on their backs.

There has to be mutual respect

As with any sub/dom dynamic, there needs to be a level of communication and mutual respect. “People definitely think financial domination is easy or that it’s as simple as yelling at someone you’ve never met to give you money and they do so at a drop of the hat,” explains Lola. “Fin dom is a lot of work. Earning trust, weeding out the time-wasters and fakers from the ones worth investing in. Building the relationship and continuing to feed it. Balancing demands of money with relationship building activities.”