An underrated hallmark of a good relationship is the ability to bring your partner to a party with zero qualms. I have been in situations where I have absolutely dreaded bringing a man to a work/friend/family event. The thing is, some of you are just terrible plus-ones.
As a borderline annoying, extroverted person, I like to roam around a room, so it’s important to me that my partner can be left to his own devices. I don’t want to babysit you. I want to look across a room and see you engaged in a conversation with anyone but me. However, there’s a delicate balance to strike. I also don’t want you acting like a complete ham, holding court and making a social situation all about yourself. I’ve been there, too, and there’s nothing more vexing than worrying about how my close acquaintances perceive your partner. To put it simply, I want people to enjoy your presence. Plus, how you behave at a party is a good indication of your character.
“It’s all about respect — for your partner, the people they care about, and the event,” Olivia Pollock, Evite’s Etiquette & Hosting Expert tells me.
“When you make an effort to be friendly and polite, it’s a reflection of how much you value your partner’s relationships. You don’t have to be the life of the party, but a few simple acts of kindness — offering to help, starting a conversation, or being a good listener — go a long way,” she adds. “And, it’s the perfect opportunity to show everyone that you’re in sync as a couple, which can really set the tone for future gatherings.”
Turns out, there are a few simple rules you can follow to secure future invites. So, in preparation for the many soirees you’re attending through the end of the year, I chatted with Pollock on how you, a man, can be a good-plus one, this holiday season and beyond.
“Being a great plus-one is all about supporting your partner and being an active part of the event,” says Pollock. This means showing up on time, introducing yourself confidently and not shying away from conversations. “The goal is to be an asset, not just a tagalong — make your partner feel at ease and enjoy the chance to connect with new people.”
Pro tip: When you get up to grab a drink for yourself, always offer to grab a drink for your partner and whomever is around you. “It’s a small gesture, but it’s thoughtful and shows you’re paying attention,” says Pollock.
“At the end of the day, being a good plus-one is about being present, making your partner and those around you feel great, and making the most of the evening,” says Pollock. “Don’t steal the spotlight, but don’t disappear into the background either.” If it’s a theme party, you better dress to the theme. If there’s a game going on — participate! Be a good sport: Offer to help clean up and open bottles of wine. “And talk to everyone in the room, don’t strictly stick next to your partner,” she adds.
“Think about a few topics you feel comfortable discussing– it could be a recent show or even a simple compliment about the host’s setup. If large groups feel overwhelming, join smaller conversations with those around you —they’re not only less intimidating, but can be even more meaningful,” notes Pollock. “Plus, odds are there are other less social people at the party who would benefit from a one-on-one conversation.”
It doesn’t have to be anything big, but a thoughtful gesture is a solid way to make a great first impression. “Whether it’s a bottle of wine, or something to contribute to the breakfast the next morning, it shows you care. Even if the host insists you don’t need to bring anything, a small token of appreciation goes a long way.”
One of the best displays of a plus-one I’ve witnessed was a friend’s boyfriend at a wedding this past summer. He was in charge of snapping photos on her digital camera, and did so enthusiastically. She was able to dance and socialize without the pressures of manning the camera (plus, star in many of the pictures herself!). The photos he took ended up being some of our favorites from the entire wedding.
“One thing I always recommend is to take pictures,” says Pollock. “Not just for memories, but for inspiration. As someone who loves hosting and curating events, I’m always snapping photos at parties for future ideas. Whether it’s the decor, the food setup, or even how guests are interacting, it’s a great way to gather creative ideas for your own gatherings down the road. Plus, it’s a fun way to look back and relive the night. Just remember, be mindful of others and always ask before you take a photo of someone.”
