In the age of the Internet and endless social media options, finding an in-person, one-on-one connection with another human being can be a challenge for some. And nowhere is this challenge more daunting that in the dating scene, with its constantly shifting romantic rules and sometimes confusing taboos. That’s where NYC Wingwoman’s Cher Gopman comes in; she helps struggling bachelors at sea in the Big Apple navigate the tricky waters of finding lover. Here are a few of Gopman’s tips for finding the woman of your dreams—in any city.
1. Practice. Practice. Practice.
While some men find it scary to approach women strangers, the only way to get over that fear is to practice, said Gopman. “Not just in a club or a bar, but on the streets or in a coffee shop too,” Gopman told RLC. “Always be friendly and approachable.”
This helps men build confidence. “And girls like confident guys,” Gopman noted.
2. Remember Willie Sutton’s advice.
When a reporter asked infamous bank robber Willie Sutton why he robbed banks, he, according to legend, replied: “Because that’s where the money is.” There’s a similarly simple but often overlooked piece of advice for men looking to meet women: keep going to where they are. Gopman also reminds her clients that most women want to be in the company of men too.
“Girls go to clubs or bars because they want to meet men,” she pointed out. “You’re not going to meet a girl by sitting at home.”
Meetups, charity events and community classes are all great ways to expand your network.
“Getting out of your social circle is really important,” said the Wingwoman. “And there is less stress when you go to a meet up and everyone is there to meet new people.”
And if you’re still struggling to pinpoint what you have to offer, Gopman suggests making a list of your best qualities—and be sure to show them off.
“If you have nice biceps, wear a shirt that shows off your arms,” she said. “If you like your smile, make sure you smile a lot.”
3. Be yourself.
Gopman said one of the biggest mistakes she sees men make is hitting on women with cheesy, insincere pick-up lines.”Girls can read right through that,” she said. “We have a lot of girlfriends for a reason. We want to find a guy that we can talk to.”
Gopman recommends men engage in active listening and ask follow-up questions. “Make sure you’re making her feel important,” she said. “Once men stop worrying so much about what they think a girl wants and just be themselves, that’s when the strongest connection happens.
4. Plan ahead.
Once you’ve landed a date, there are preparations to be made. Before you go out, Gopman advises her clients to do some self-reflection to determine what you want to talk about on the date.
“If they like to travel, they can talk about places they’ve been and then ask the girl about her travel experiences,” she said. Gopman said this allows a real connection to develop based on shared interests.
“Going out to clubs or bars and meeting women, finding the confidence to approach women, that’s the easy part,” she said. “The hardest part is building the connection.”
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