Why Men Should Be Getting Vaccinated

Twentieth-century dating stereotypes famously tell us that men and women are literally-figuratively from different planets. We gals might as well be from Venus, am I right, fellas? It’s almost impossible to know what we’re thinking and what it is we really want from you, what with all our feminine coquetry and womanly deception.

Fortunately, if you happen to be trapped in the throes of gendered narratives leftover from the early 1990s, the New York Times is here to demystify any lingering confusion surrounding the inner wants and needs of the female species. “What women want” in this, the year 2021, according to the Paper of Record, is simply for men to get vaccinated.

Unfortunately, men seem to be slow to pick up on this message. The Times reports a significant gender gap in vaccinations, with women far outpacing men when it comes to getting the jab.

To be fair, the Times points out that this could be attributed to the fact that women generally make up a larger percentage of the populations that first became eligible for the vaccine, including people over the age of 70, as well as school teachers and healthcare workers.

But the gender vax gap may be also be linked, in part, to the simple fact that men are typically less willing to seek healthcare than women, a reluctance that likely has its roots in antiquated notions of masculinity (and has also led to an increase in men chugging breast milk instead of getting vaccinated).

“This avoidance has been linked to masculinity ideals of men being strong, invincible and not asking for help,” Kristen W. Springer, an associate sociology professor at Rutgers University, told the Times, noting the lingering prevalence of a “cultural idea that ‘real men’ don’t need preventive health care.”

Unfortunately, this reluctance to vax up may be costing men more than just their health; it may also be limiting their dating options. In recent months, it’s become increasingly common to see dating-app users advertising their vaccination status in their profiles, and there’s evidence to suggest that those who do so perform better on said apps.

In case you haven’t heard, this summer is expected to be outrageously horny — much more horny, if you ask me, than anything is ever likely to actually be. Regardless, if participating in “hot vax summer” is on your bucket list this year, best vax up sooner rather than later.

Are there better, more noble reasons to get vaccinated? Definitely. You could get the vaccine for the safety and health of yourself and your family, or — if you’re a real do-gooder — in the interest of public health and protecting your fellow man. But if getting laid this summer is the incentive you need to go out and get that jab, so be it. It doesn’t really matter why you get vaccinated. As far as I can tell, no one demands to know what specific motivations brought you to whatever vaccination center you’ve arrived at when the time comes. Getting laid is as good a reason as any to get vaccinated in the eyes of the CDC, and also god, probably.