Congratulations are in order to Hollywood’s cringiest couple, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, because these two little twin flames are getting hitched. After spending the better part of the past year and a half bombarding the public with often PDA-heavy glimpses into their “dark fairytale” of a love affair — and waiting a respectable period of time after celebrity couple doppelgängers Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker briefly stole the show with their own engagement back in October — the desperate-to-seem-alt couple took to Instagram on Wednesday to announce they’re tying the knot.
Their respective Instagram posts are pretty much what anyone who has been subjected to these two would expect, filled with the language of Twilight fan-fiction and flowery prose detailing their eternal devotion in the face of darkness or whatever. Both Fox and her betrothed said the proposal took place beneath the same banyan tree under which they purportedly fell in love in July 2020 — which, according to Page Six, is not some mystical arbor the couple happened to stumble upon in an enchanted wilderness, but rather a tree outside the Spa Botánico at the Ritz-Carlton Dorado Beach in Puerto Rico.
“Beneath the same branches we fell in love under, i brought her back to ask her to marry me,” MGK captioned his post featuring the custom ring he designed for Fox. She opted for a lengthier recap of everything that has transpired since the last time these two lovebirds sat beneath their cherished banyan tree, which apparently included plenty of “pain,” “work” and “sacrifices” in a “short, frenetic period of time.” Oh, and “karma.”
“Somehow a year and a half later, having walked through hell together, and having laughed more than I ever imagined possible, he asked me to marry him,” she continued before finally wrapping up the lengthy post with a predictably weird conclusion. “And just as in every lifetime before this one, and as in every lifetime that will follow it, I said yes …and then we drank each other’s blood.”
Whether or not these two little weirdos actually celebrated their engagement with a bloody toast probably isn’t for us to know. Considering these two have a history of dabbling in each other’s blood — last year the couple made headlines after MGK claimed to wear Fox’s blood around his neck — it’s not entirely outside the realm of possibility to think that these two may have taken their sanguinary interests to the next level.
It’s also possible that Fox is simply lying to keep up the couple’s “edgy” image even though they filmed their engagement like a couple of suburban basics, or even — stay with me here — that she was joking.
While it’s impossible to separate fantasy from reality with these two, there hasn’t historically seemed to be so much as a hint of irony to their very public, very dramatic declarations of eternal devotion, which has always been the most cringeworthy part of the whole thing. The most embarrassing thing about these two is not the intensity of their romance, but rather the sincerity, which is usually observed only among high school sophomores. Perhaps Fox’s “…and then we drank each other’s blood” is a subtle wink to the audience, an acknowledgement that she and MGK have actually been in on the joke the whole time.
Or maybe they are just a couple of love drunk nerds living out their Twilight fan-fic fantasy. Either way, congrats to the happy, cringey couple.
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