Women do not want to buy their own lingerie. I’m telling you this as a woman who does not want to buy her own lingerie. And it’s not because I don’t want to spend $60-$100 on a bra. (Well, I definitely don’t wanna do that but there’s a little more to it.)
It’s hard not to be utterly romanced after you’ve unwrapped a box and sifted through crunchy tissue paper to find a delicate, lacy thing your beloved has handpicked specifically for you and your body. Call it traditional, call it old-timey, dare to call it basic, but gifting lingerie will never not be romantic, intimate and sexy.
“Lingerie is an emotional gift. The gift giver is saying that you are desired, loved, and special to me,” Flora Backer, designer and founder of lingerie brand Rya Collection.
The thing is, buying lingerie is easy. Buying lingerie the woman in your life will actually wear and enjoy wearing is trickier. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here, but you can’t just buy the first strappy, sheer thing that makes you horny. Because, while yes, we know delighting in lingerie is a two-way street here, first and foremost, it’s a way for a woman to feel good about herself.
“The right piece can make her feel sexy, in charge and seductive,” adds Flora Backer. “I love when a woman puts on something that I designed for her own pleasure: wearing a chemise under her work dress for example. It’s like her own secret.”
It’s why I, with the help of Backer, compiled a lingerie-buying guide for you, a man who wants to gift a piece of lingerie for his partner but is worried about screwing it up, ruining his relationship and wasting his money. All of which can happen if you don’t heed these essential tips:
Make a shopping trip out of it. Buy lingerie together.
Not sure what to get her? Let her pick her own lingerie out and turn it into a fun shopping experience you two can do together. Lingerie is a personal thing, and there are so many different styles that is can be really easy to fuck up and get her something that she hates or doesn’t fit.
But what if you want to surprise her? Well, that’s fine too. (Personally, I love a surprise.) Just see below for more lingerie buying tips:
Be aware of what she already owns
While your lady might be all for trying new things, to ensure she’ll actually wear the lingerie you buy her, the safest bet is to get something similar in style and color to the apparel she already owns. If she owns all-black undergarments, maybe don’t splurge on the hot pink option.
Again, lingerie is a gift you can both enjoy, but this is not an opportunity for you to play dress-up. Don’t buy her something that’s meant to fulfill all of your fantasies. You can still allow for your personal preferences, just don’t completely regard hers.
“I say follow your heart. Choose the style that you would like to see her in while taking into account her personality and style,” recommends Backer. “If your partner is more conservative with the way she dresses maybe start out with something a little more modest like a long chemise or robe. You can get a little more daring as time goes on.”
Nothing too restrictive
Baker recommends going with a size bigger than her clothing. “Lingerie should lay on her body and enhance her shape not be restrictive or too tight. If you are gifting a new partner that you aren’t sure of their exact sizing, I suggest selecting a beautiful silk robe or chemise which is easier to gauge than a bra top for example.”
Speaking from personal experience, nothing brings me to the brink of a total mental breakdown faster than trying on an article of clothing I imagined would look bomb in my head only to find it doesn’t fit quite right. While fashion’s erratic sizing problem makes finding the “perfect fit” immensely difficult, undergarment sizing, for the most part, is pretty consistent across brands. So to avoid any distress, don’t guess. Know her measurements. Wait till she’s in the shower and take a non-creepy peek inside her underwear drawer to get her sizes. (And always get a gift receipt).
Don’t be afraid to ask for help while shopping
“I suggest either going directly to a store and speaking with a salesperson who is used to answering these types of questions or chatting on the brand’s site with someone in customer service,” says Backer. Salespeople are there for a reason, and will gladly help you pick something that suits your partner’s style. Or, if it’s not an uncomfortable topic of conversation, confer with another woman in your life.
Spring for the entire lingerie set
Many lingerie sets must be bought separately and typically consist of four matching items: a bra, underwear, garter belt and robe. If you really want to impress, splurge on the entire collection — especially that silk robe!
When in doubt, gift these pieces
An embroidered or lace robe, a chic pajama set or a chemise are three classic lingerie styles Backer says you can’t go wrong with gifting. And if you need any more fool-proof gift ideas, take a gander at our hand-selected lingerie picks below.
Robes
Lunya Washable Silk Robe
It’s a crime for a woman not to have a silky, luxurious robe she can wear while putting on her makeup and drinking a glass of wine. Those activities, however, require a garment that can handle a spin cycle after a few accidental stains, and silk isn’t the easiest to clean. It might be why luxury sleepwear brand Lunya made its Washable Silk Robe, a versatile piece that can be thrown in the washing machine.
Chemises
Bras
Etam Classic Wireless Bra in Silk and Tulle
A bra that’s both practical and sexy? Now that’s a good lingerie gift.
Underwear
Lingerie Sets
Bluebella Nova Set
Bluebella specializes in opulent, modern lingerie. While almost every piece is undeniably gorgeous, the brand’s best-selling Nova bra, thong and garter make for a serious show-stopping ensemble.
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