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When I reach for my vibrator during sex, I get mixed reactions. The occasional man can still be quite stubborn when it comes to utilizing vibrators in the bedroom, questioning if I “really need that?” (Luckily, I’ve only experienced that once.) Most men don’t bat an eye, or if they are slightly annoyed, they don’t bring it to my attention. My preferred responses, of course, are the ones of encouragement and excitement. There’s nothing hotter than a man vocalizing that you should “grab your vibrator.” However, my favorite reaction, by far, is when a man realizes the vibrations feel good on him too.
That’s because we’re not so different, you and I.
“The head of the penis and the clitoris derive from the exact same tissue as we develop in utero,” Dr. Carol Queen, sexologist for sexual wellness brand Good Vibes, explains to InsideHook. “Men and women are not opposites, and every part of our bodies including genitalia have comparable parts that develop, sometimes differently, sometimes not, and function similarly.”
The same neural activity that allows a vibrator to feel good when placed on or near the clitoris is also present in the penile corona. Not everyone with a penis enjoys the sensation, just as not everyone with a clit likes vibration, “but if a person is aroused, it will generally feel somewhere between nice and amazing,” Queen notes. As a society, we typically think of vibrators as just being for women, but there’s nothing inherently gendered about what they offer.
“Vibration is a unique sensation that can cause us to feel more intense pleasure, regardless of gender,” adds Lisa Finn, a Brooklyn-based sex educator for the sex toy retailer Babeland. Using a vibrator to stimulate the erogenous zones on our bodies — the genitals, anus, nipples or any other sensitive areas — can engage those nerve endings in a way our bodies can’t do on their own.
Everything You Should Gift From Foria, Our Favorite Sexual Wellness Brand
We broke down the CBD wellness brand’s best-selling collectionBeyond external stimulation, which could simply be achieved as a byproduct of your partner’s toy, if you want to experience an orgasm equivalent to hitting the G-spot, you can — and should! Informally known as the “P-spot,” the prostate — ever heard of it? — can unlock a treasure trove of intense orgasms.
The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located just below the bladder and in front of the rectum, where it surrounds the urethra. Since it’s internal, you can’t touch the prostate directly, but it can be stimulated through the front wall of the anus.
“The prostate and G-spot share a lot of similarities,” adds Finn. In terms of pleasure, the prostate is surrounded by nerve endings that respond to stimulation in ways many people find sexually pleasurable and orgasmic.
Unfortunately, there is still a stigma surrounding sexual stimulation for men, especially cis-hetero men, beyond penis stimulation.
“The body is covered in erogenous zones, so by allowing stigma to dictate your choices in bed instead of following what feels good, you’re potentially denying yourself of so many new and exciting opportunities for pleasure and orgasm,” says Finn. “There’s this idea that liking any kind of stimulation that’s around the anus is a reflection of one’s sexual orientation, so there’s a lot of hesitancy to explore.” (Spoiler: It’s not).
“Many men enjoy prostate stimulation,” adds Queen.
So, if you’re interested in learning more about how exactly to have a prostate orgasm, you can read all about harnessing “the male G-spot” in our comprehensive guide to prostate stimulation. However, you can stimulate the thousands of nerve endings in your prostate externally, as well, with a handy device from Butter. If you’re unfamiliar with the sexual wellness brand, they’ve gone where few sexual wellness brands have gone before: offering external vibrators for men. Their sleek-looking personal massager was designed specifically to target the perineum (that’d be the area between the anus and the scrotum), in order to stimulate the prostate. As the brand notes, “no insertion is required to experience the goods.” (And she can use it, too!)
Regardless of whether you’re intrigued by opening your third orgasmic eye or just enjoying the fruits of your partner’s rumbly device, though, it’s important to remember vibrations are your friend. In service of that, here are some vibrators we recommend, and lubricants to pair with them.
Our Favorite Couples Vibrators
If you’d prefer to go hands-free, these wearable devices will target both your sweet spots — simultaneously.
Our Favorite Solo Vibrators
For a more hands-on, precise approach, these devices target those nerve endings in both the perineum and clitoris.
Our Favorite Prostate Massagers
Two key factors of a good prostate toy are safety and shape, Finn tells us.
“For safety, you need to make sure that any toy that is going to be used anally has a flared base, meaning the base of the toy is larger than the insertable part so that it stays anchored outside of the body for safe removal. For shape, many prostate toys are curved to help target the front wall of the rectum where the prostate is located. Features like vibration, tapping or pulsation, thrusting or texture can all feel incredible against those sensitive nerve endings and help to massage and stimulate the prostate.”
Our Favorite Lubricants
Both Queen and Finn stress the importance of using lubricant before any backdoor play.
“Not only will it make everything feel more pleasurable, but it will also prevent discomfort or injury like tearing or fissures,” says Finn. “If you’re using a toy, go for a good, thick water-based lube — I recommend BabeLube Gel or Pjur Back Door. For fingers and other body parts, a slick, long-lasting silicone lube like Uberlube is a great option.”
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